As You Are.
I have a confession. I used to work in the UK’s Ministry of Defence. [The UK defends itself with a ‘c’ whereas the US prefers an ‘s’.]
And in my suit-wearing, previous life, “As you are” was a phrase I heard fairly often - generally when a high-ranking officer entered a room and watched everyone act like they were meerkats spotting potential danger.
It was mainly used so that the work wouldn’t stop. Government workers, both military and civilian, do seem to love a reason to stop work. (Or as an old colleague used to say as he left early, “I don’t like to be late twice in a day.”)
But even though I'm probably about as far as it's possible to get from my suit-wearing, government-working, obligatory-pints-of-beer-in-the-pub-at-lunchtime, self, the phrase “As you are” still follows me around. This time though, because it is at the very core of “Fish & Bear.
We want everyone to belong (and feel that they belong), without the need to improve, change, or pretend. To be ‘as they are’.
We are all perfectly imperfect. Everyone’s perspective is valuable and necessary.
Last week, I started our Jigsaw exercise with a story that began with, “Sometimes I have the memory of a goldfish,” and I found myself describing how my A.D.D. grabs my attention and ‘helps’ me forget quite important things. For example, at Christmas I forgot the ’big’ present I’d bought for Lynn months in advance. I'd been so pleased with myself when I bought it, thinking that, though I am notoriously rubbish at gift buying, this year I would have it made. Yet it totally left my mind, and I only remembered when Lynn sat me down to tell me how hurt she was to notice that Santa hadn't bothered to remember her. Not my finest hour.
And you know what happened after telling that story? I noticed that I wasn’t doing all the things I used to do to manage my A.D.D., and so I immediately re-implemented them, and my life improved from that point on.
That's a lie. I remembered. And then I forgot. 🙄
Just like I forgot on Saturday that I was meant to give Lachlan a driving lesson. On Sunday I remembered just in time to call my parents. (I call them every week). On Monday I remembered to do a driving lesson with Lachlan and to pay bills, and I was just about to congratulate myself for getting my A.D.D. on track when on Tuesday, I forgot to meet my good friend Jason for lunch (sorry again, Jason). And then I forgot to write THIS FREAKING BLOG! - which I do every week on the day that begins with a Tues and ends with a day.
So, this morning I got up before everyone else, checked my calendar, and planned my day. As always, it will not go according to plan - and I will be fine with that. Mostly. We’re all perfectly imperfect. And some weeks are more imperfect than others.
At the end of Fish & Bear, we always ask everyone to say something they learned from the evening, and each week and I list some of the funnier or more obscure ‘lessons’ here. (Though somehow I forgot to do that in the previous blog. 😀)
Last week, we learned that chicken wings are the worst food to eat during a Fish & Bear, and that it’s possible to come out to your parents at the Thanksgiving dinner every year for at least a decade, and, of course, I learned that I could completely miss the lesson in my own story.
And I will remember that forever.
I am kidding. Of course, I won't.
Hope to I at MacLeod’s this Thursday. [Lynn will remind me to go]
Mark
xo
Fish and Bear is held every Thursday at 7pm.
Check out our WEBSITE: https://fishandbear.net
If you fancy reading some of Lynn’s writing, then check out her weekly Notes From The Valley at lynnfergy.com
